From birthing a baby to Ironman (and KQ) in 15 months

In my mind, doing a full Ironman 15 months after having a baby sounded completely doable. This might sound stupid - but I didn't realize how FULL TIME being a mom is and how difficult the postpartum baby journey could be. It hadn't occurred to me that Isaac and I couldn't train at the same time unless we had someone over watching Chloe. I know that might seem like such an obvious thing to think about, but when I deferred my 2021 Ironman CDA entry (I was 7 months pregnant), it seemed totally doable AND seemed like Isaac should also race with me!

After I had Chloe, I had postpartum anxiety. I'm a pretty relaxed person normally who doesn't worry about much. Most things don't phase me - I'm going to end up where I'm supposed to be, if I'm supposed to be there! Motherhood felt like it flipped my world upside down. It was constant stress and I literally felt like I was losing it. I didn't know who I was anymore... I know hormonally things are all over the place after a baby, but I just felt like a hollow shell of a human. I wasn't someone who had spent my life dreaming about being a mom... I didn't want "mom" to become my sole identity. I really resented that it WAS my sole identity for 5 months. It was super isolating. I loved Chloe SO much and I was SO happy she was healthy and that I was gifted with this tiny wonderful baby.... but I still wanted to be ME. I really missed the freedom I had before I had her.

Fast forward to 6 months postpartum... after rushing too quickly back into running and then having to backtrack and take time off for pelvic floor PT... I was ready to start training for my stacked season ahead (three 70.3s and a full Ironman at the end of the year). My coach and I eased slowly into training - biking and swimming were generally fine although my FTP had definitely taken a hit. I couldn't run more than 45 minutes and I couldn't run back to back days because my pelvic floor was just so sore after every run. I was still carrying around a good 10 pounds from the baby and I just didn't feel like ME training. My body didn't feel like it was mine. My training time was SO much more limited - I had to ask my coach to schedule me the bare minimum I could do training wise to perform in the sport. I focused on just getting through each day of training as it popped up on my TrainingPeaks - which really meant being flexible and controlling what I could each day. Chloe threw a wrench in some of my days, but I did a decent job of getting it all done.

I muscled through my first 70.3 (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run) in CDA about 10 months postpartum. I had ZERO expectations going into that race. It felt like an accomplishment just to BE there racing again. It wasn't anything spectacular, but I was glad to rip off the band aid of not having raced anything "real" since 2019. I followed that up with a 70.3 in Boulder that was alright, but I was a little letdown not to run better. It was hot and the altitude is rough, but my run was pretty pathetic.

The weight of my impending full Ironman hit me hard in August. How on EARTH was I going to do a full? I was still struggling pelvic floor discomfort after long runs or run efforts... what if my body couldn't do it? On top of doubting my PP body - HOW was I going to do this? I am INCREDIBLY lucky - my mom helped SO much each weekend. She moved her own schedule around to be here when I needed it and I couldn't have asked for more. She's incredible. BUT it's a LOT to ask someone to come over and watch your baby for a 6+hour training brick on a Saturday and 3+hours on Sunday. I regretted that both Isaac and I were racing - it made the coordination of our training days feel impossible. As we started to really build for Ironman Arizona we had our last 70.3 pop up. It really snuck up on me and it felt like one 70.3 too many. Fortunately it was local and on a course I'd raced before, so it took little baby coordination and not much prep either.

WA 70.3 felt like a fun, local race with lots of my tri friends. I knew this course and felt like it would go ok, but who cared at this point what the result was! All my races had been lackluster this year... I just went in with zero expectations. I was thrilled to put together a solid 70.3 for this race! Swim was good, bike was pretty great, and run WASN'T BAD!!! Nothing spectacular but finally a race that felt like ME! I got 4th AG and felt like I was finally getting my triathlon confidence back. It felt amazing and gave me that boost of confidence I needed to get through some really long training days ahead!

Ironman AZ build continued immediately after this race. Training finally got to the point that I actually had to take days off of work to fit it in. I feel like doing that really helped
with my sanity. I haven't even addressed the mom guilt that I felt leaving Chloe every weekend to train. I already worked all week, to leave her on the weekends for super long chunks of time just really tipped me emotionally over the edge. She went through phases of separation anxiety where every time I left the room she would LOSE it which made things even worse. Doing a few Friday long rides and runs off the bike while the nanny was here really relieved some of the mom guilt and emotional toll all of this was taking on me.

When I would try to mentally prepare for IM AZ, I really struggled with the idea that maybe my body wouldn't hold up for this whole distance.... could I do it? Besides diligently doing all my training, I just tried to practice my mental strength - it was going to hurt more than I remember. Things were going to go wrong. I just had to not let it get to me and push through. My body might not want to push through but I was going to do everything in my power to cross that finish line. It felt like I sacrificed SO much and it wasn't going to be for nothing. 

Ironman Arizona race report is posted before this - feel free to read about how the actual day went - but let's just say it was worth it!! Literally, 15 months after I gave birth exactly, I completed Ironman Arizona! I focused on each mile as it came. It ABSOLUTELY hurt more than I remember. But not only did I finish, I got an IM PR AND A KONA SLOT!!!! I'm still on a high about it. I can't wait to race two world championships next year. FINLAND (70.3 Worlds) AND KONA (Ironman World Championship), HERE I COME!!!! 

Reflecting on this year as a whole, my thoughts: 

• Your only limits are the ones you set yourself. 
• Life is short. Spend time doing what you love. I'm a better mom, wife, friend for pursuing my passions. I was a much more present mom when I was happy with my whole life.
• Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Let go of expectations. Each day is a fresh, new start and you never know what's ahead. Once I let go of the idea that my training would be perfect or race day would be seamless, the more I could enjoy it all. And that's why I do this, right? Because I like it? 
• I am so thankful I did all of these races this year. In the moments leading into each race, I thought about how much easier life would be if I didn't race. Traveling with a baby was logistically challenging, I had to have family travel to each race, and literally everything about racing and training with a baby was just a struggle. But my best moments this year involved traveling and racing. Just because it's hard, don't give up everything for the easier option. Becoming a parent didn't mean I had to stop living life and being me.