Seattle Ironwoman

I love this time of year. I love how people take time to reflect on things they are thankful for. It seems like in today's world, we focus so heavily on what we don't have instead of what and who we do have in our lives. I try my best to spend all year reflecting and being thankful. However, a quick shout out to some extra special people and things that deserve thanks: My family. You are always there for me through my best and my worst. I'm thankful for your health, your love, and the time we spend together. Chelsey, our relationship means the world to me. I can't wait until you move home some day. My husband. I know being married to me is not easy. Thank you for always being up for an adventure without plans and for supporting me in my many athletic passions. I'm thankful that you have found passion in Ironman and that we can share that together. You are the glue that holds our life together, every single day. Thank you.

This post is not about running. This post is not about Ironman. It's not uplifting. But it's how I'm feeling and I need to write it down. And I'm sure this will resonate with some. As we approach the holidays, everyone gets so excited to spend time with their loved ones- happy, laughing, fun, warm memories.  While I definitely look forward to spending time with my family, I start to feel dread creep up as we approach this time of year. I start to feel anxious, angry, frustrated. For me, the holidays are a time I have to face the addict in my life. I have to spend my holidays keeping up stupid small talk, avoid bringing up the elephant in the room. It goes against everything I am - I am a blunt, straight forward person that has the hardest time NOT stating what is obviously in front of me. I wish I could tell you, because I want you to know: I am angry. I am frustrated. I am hurt. You are a shell of a person. Every day you choose pills and alcohol over everythi