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My return to running postpartum

I gave birth at the end of August 2021. I had been running 3-4 times a week up until the week I delivered. I was SURE that I would get back to training 6 weeks after I had Chloe.... I had NO idea what birth would do to my body and how much pregnancy had changed it. I had obviously seen the gradual changes that happened, but wouldn't those just all go away? Wasn't my body prepared for this? Wasn't that what the last 9 months of growing her was about? 

My delivery was fairly straight forward. I pushed for two hours which felt SO long but I'm thankful that generally the process was smooth. A few days after being home Isaac and I started taking Chloe on walks down our street - the weather was still SO nice since it was still summer. I walked one block down my street in my adult diaper and could hardly handle the walk back. My pelvic floor was SO weak and even my abs felt so weak. My back hurt from just that little walk. But CERTAINLY I'd be running soon, right? Those 6 weeks without running felt like torture. Exercise is a part of who I am - it's stress relief, happiness, identity for me. I started doing some light movement after a few weeks and even climbed on my bike but was waiting to run. As soon as I had my 6 week checkup and he said my stitches were healed - I asked "but can I run now?" and my doctor said "sure, you're healed". W.T.F. In hindsight, I can't believe that pelvic floor PT isn't immediately referred at this moment.

That same day I went and ran 4 miles. EVERYTHING felt different. Not only could I barely fit into my sports bra since I was breastfeeding, everything felt off. I'm sorry for the graphic descriptor here but it's the only way to describe it - each time I went running it felt like my reproductive organs were going to fall out out by the end of my run. Like, starting to bulge outside of me. On top of that, I felt pain with every foot strike by the end of my runs. CERTAINLY I would get stronger the more I ran, right? So, I kept running. It got to the point where the looming race season ahead started to make me panic. How on EARTH was I going to run a full marathon? I couldn't increase my distance and things only seemed like they were getting worse. FINALLY, at 4 months PP I reached out to a pelvic floor PT. I had finished a run sobbing with frustration - it felt like I was never going to get back to running comfortably. We spent two months working on strengthening and healing my pelvic floor. I didn't run at all. It was hard, but it was also winter so great timing. I knew I needed this if I wanted to make it TO training with my coach in the spring. By 6 months PP I started running short distances and built from there. I started working with my coach again and told him I couldn't run back to back days or do any speedwork. We took it super slow. I am SO glad we did. 

I raced my first 70.3 in June 2022 - 10 months PP. I had definitely built back up my endurance but I still didn't feel like myself running. Physically my body could handle it but I lacked a lot of confidence in my run. Oddly enough - despite neglecting the bike most of my pregnancy, riding came back the easiest, with swimming not far behind. I raced another 70.3 right before 1 year PP. Still, running felt off but I was definitely getting confident in my triathlon self again. FINALLY, in Sept 2022 - 1 year and 1 month PP I raced like me. My run was smooth and controlled, and everything felt NORMAL. Strong. Over ONE year after having her. I consider myself an athlete, and it STILL took me that long to recover all the way.

My main takeaways? GET PELVIC FLOOR PT!!! DON'T RUSH YOUR BODY!!! It needs time to heal. Pregnancy, birth, and the "4th trimester" take a TOLL on your body.

Be patient with yourself. I know it's maddening when you're an athlete and feel the NEED for your sport and your outlet during that postpartum time. I would have given ANYTHING to feel like myself again in those months and be able to just rip out of the house on a long run to escape the stress of a fussy newborn. To feel any part of ME and who I was before my world completely transformed. I struggled a lot with Postpartum Anxiety and I needed movement to shed some of that heaviness. Still - if I had just been patient and not rushed it, I'm sure I would have healed faster AND gotten to enjoy time with my new baby more. The stress of this "injury" (that's what it felt like) only piled onto the stress I was already putting on myself. Go easy on yourself. <3

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