When I suffer loss, I tend to internalize my emotions, and push myself in other areas of my life to distract myself. I try not to think about it. The first time I suffered major loss was my Oma. I was 16. She had had cancer for 5 years and didn't tell us. I found out 3 months before she died, when after a fall down stairs, a nurse accidentally slipped to my dad that they couldn't give her a certain medication because it wouldn't work well with her chemo. We spent those last months with her in the hospital. By the time she passed, I was so angry, devastated, confused, lost. I couldn't believe someone I loved so much wouldn't tell me we had such limited time. I would have done so many things differently. I would have called her more. I still have her phone number memorized. I couldn't cope with all of the emotions, so instead of grieving, I rebelled. I tried to numb the pain any way I could. I lost who I was, for a year. To this day I still miss her, I still ...
Ironman, triathlete, mom, carb enthusiast